That does it.

Attempting to make post from my computer at home is as useless as running a furnace in the middle summer. I barely get

Physics of Balancing

A couple weekends ago Joey began riding his bike during the University's spring break. We took advantage of the empty sidewalks since the students are gone and let him roam free. I'm excited for my little fella. It won't be long before we can go on bike rides together at campgrounds or better yet... Hiawatha, here we come! Seeing him mentally process the physics of balancing a bike reminded me of how kids force us to slow down from our busy lives. Balancing a bike is a enormous achievement and consequently I indulge in his excitement.

I often feel that filling a blog by just quoting someone else is extremely lazy. Yet as I walked alongside him I was reminded of a quote I heard back in my collegiate years.

The existence, the physical universe is basically playful. There is no necessity for it whatsoever. It isn’t going anywhere. That is to say, it doesn’t have some destination that it ought to arrive at. But that it is best understood by the analogy with music. Because music, as an art form is essentially playful. We say, “You play the piano” You don’t work the piano.

Why? Music differs from say, travel. When you travel you are trying to get somewhere. In music, though, one doesn’t make the end of the composition. The point of the composition. If that were so, the best conductors would be those who played fastest. And there would be composers who only wrote finales. People would go to a concert just to hear one crackling chord… Because that’s the end! Same way with dancing. You don’t aim at a particular spot in the room because that’s where you will arrive. The whole point of the dancing is the dance.

But we don’t see that as something brought by our education into our conduct. We have a system of schooling which gives a completely different impression. It’s all graded and what we do is put the child into the corridor of this grade system with a kind of, “Come on kitty, kitty.” And you go onto kindergarten and that’s a great thing because when you finish that you get into first grade. Then, “Come on” first grade leads to second grade and so on. And then you get out of grade school and you got high school. It’s revving up, the thing is coming, then you’re going to go to college… Then you’ve got graduate school, and when you’re through with graduate school you go out to join the world.

Then you get into some racket where you’re selling insurance. And they’ve got that quota to make, and you’re gonna make that. And all the time that thing is coming – It’s coming, it’s coming, that great thing. The success you’re working for. Then you wake up one day about 40 years old and you say, “My God, I’ve arrived. I’m there.” And you don’t feel very different from what you’ve always felt.

Look at the people who live to retire; to put those savings away. And then when they’re 65 they don’t have any energy left. They’re more or less impotent. And they go and rot in some, old peoples, senior citizens community. Because we simply cheated ourselves the whole way down the line.

If we thought of life by analogy with a journey, with a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at that end, and the thing was to get to that thing at that end... success, or whatever it is. Or maybe heaven after you’re dead.

But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.

I don't want to make anyone bias by mentioning who this quote comes from.

Demand is High

So Traci really likes spending time with her two boys and they really seek her out. It's a form of job security I guess. The demand for time with mother is high. Where does she get all this patience? From carrying them everywhere to camping with them in the living room. She must get tired because those two boys have plenty of energy.

Decision 2016

This is the last chance to make your vote count. Help your fellow American decide which spectacles look spectacular. The official ballot counter (myself) will present the results to the electoral college (wife). You can vote on the sidebar to the right of your screen. Please no protest, riots, or burning of the American flag.

1- Sibley

2- Felton

3- Verne

Learning is Fun

I have been meaning to post these few pictures for a while now but keep being distracted. I don't have a story to go along with the pictures yet as I look at them, it fascinates me how much Ben has changed in 3 months. I can see why many parents miss out on the younger days of their children years since life becomes abundantly interrupted everywhere we turn. Today, is a great example for myself. My goal is to simply wash the dishes and tidy up the living room yet it's past 9 pm and there are still a few remaining dishes in the sink. This morning he sat on the living room floor browsing his book of trucks and tractors quietly waiting while I completed a few tasks. I realize that it's good to teach him patience but I much rather read books with him than to wash dishes or clean my house. It's fun to see his excitement in learning about things all around us or how he begins to put two thoughts together to solve a problem. Kids are great in a every way. Ben has such an eagerness to learn for the sake of gaining knowledge and not because it will bring him a reward, praise or money.

So about the pictures, this is the neighbor girl whom Ben is great friends with. She had just acquired her John Deere Gator and was excited to take him around the neighborhood. Ben kept wanting to grab the wheel but she promptly pointed to grab on to something else because there can only be one driver at a time, in which he complied but kept forgetting after a few minutes. Anyhow, yesterday I had a small conversation with Ben and I thought it should go on the record about a key chain laser light.

B: I need my wittle wite... I need to find my wittle wite.
J: Hmm, sorry Ben. I don't understand you.
B: My wittle wite
J: Oh!
B: I see what you mean.
J: Your little light!

If only I had a camera rolling each time he brightens my day.

Father's Day Car Show (Dayton, WA)

I grew up with a delicate relationship with my dad. When he was home, I was in a constant state of awareness and avoided him due to the fear of being punished. I can recall having little desire to head home at the end of the school day because of the likelihood of being lectured or disciplined. Not to say that I was the perfect kid. Looking back, there were many occasions when I did deserved to be punished for my actions yet while growing up I never saw things from my dad's perspective. At the same time I can recall getting in trouble for insignificant things that don't really matter. My shirt always had to be tucked in, I had to wear a necktie all sabbath long (Sunrise to Sunset) and I couldn't make friends at school because of the likelihood that they would be of bad influence. I feared my dad. Rarely did I see him as a friend and on a few occasions wondered if he even liked me. Back in the summer of 97, my mom packed up her bags and moved us to Seattle so my brother, sister and I could have a better education. My dad stayed in California for a few more months yet I can recall a tremendous feeling of relaxation and calmness knowing that he was far away.

There's a song by Mike & The Mechanics titled, "The Living Years." Each time I hear it on the radio it really hits home and makes me wonder what caused the relationship with my dad to wither away. It's easy to sit here and blame him for his mistakes and who I am today. Yet at the same time that would just continue the same resentments that he too had towards his dad. Abandoned by both his parents by the age of 14 and forced to become responsible for his 4 younger siblings. It's without a doubt there was a certain level displeasure towards his parents and childhood each time he reminisced on the past. It was that animosity and bitterness towards his parents that he carried towards my siblings and I when he got after us. Often the punishments were simply the results of him having a long day at work.

When I left home and attended college, I began to realize how much I needed my dad's help and support. Each time we talked on the phone he blamed me for things that were out of my control, never the less, I put up with him because I needed him and truly missed him. The closer I got to him, the more he reopened the wounds yet I kept believing that he would want me back. Finally it was before Ben was born that I made my last effort to communicate with him. I wanted to personally tell him that he was to become a grandparent and perhaps there would be a glimpse of excitement on the other end of the line. He wasn't. In fact it was the last time he mentioned how I didn't exist to him just to get a reaction from me. He didn't get my reaction.

I don't hold any grudge or hatred towards my dad. What good would that do me? In fact, I realize how important a dad's role is because of the little presence he had in my early years. Ben has brought an indescribable happiness to my life and it's unfortunate that my dad is missing out. I wonder if Ben will take for granted how much I want to be part of his life and support him as he grows up. I know I'm guilty of taking things for granted until they are gone... Take electricity for an example. On the other hand, I recognize that a terrific wife, a great kid, a place to call home and a running car are all things that many people don't ever get to enjoy. What I have is special. So what is Father's Day all about? Well personally it's about spending time with my family, the people I care about the most. Because after all, what kind of dad will I be remembered by Ben? A dad who didn't want to be bother or will he see how all I wanted to do is visit national parks and car shows with Traci and him by my side.

Thantum

I've had these two pictures sitting in the draft section of my blog for about three months now and I'm thinking it's time to publish them on my blog. I don't exactly have a story to tell with them except that I wanted to take a few pictures with Ben and he didn't want to spend time with me since he had just learned how to walked the previous week. He ended up falling and hurting himself which placed him in less of a mood to have a camera in front of him.

Many of the stories I have with Ben are short and perhaps I will begin to write them down even if there isn't a picture to go along with the text. At about 13 months Ben began saying his first words, on one particular day during our morning walk around the block I gave him a handful of Gerber Graduate Puffs. While he was sitting in his stroller he signaled that he had eaten all his treats and wanted more. I grabbed a handful to place in his small tray and as I began to place them down he looked up at me and said "Thantum!" I was surprised yet quickly exclaimed "Good job, Ben!" The more interesting part is that not a second later Ben placed his hands together and shouted, "Aahh." It was his simple little one word prayer, "Amen".

I often find myself amazed at how much he understands me at such an early age. Just last week I mentioned to Ben that we needed to find his shoes and socks before we went outside. I continued getting myself prepared to leave the house meanwhile Ben went to his room and brought me a sock and a shoe. It completely caught me off guard since I was not expecting him to understand me, especially to go look and find shoes and socks. It's pretty amazing if you think about it. Most grown-ups can't find a way out of being lazy and have others fetch their clothes... Way to be outdone by a 15 month old kid.

About a month ago Ben took a plastic shovel over to the neighbors house and eventually lost interested when he saw the neighbors toys. Eventually he noticed that the neighbor's little girl had picked it up and that made him want his toy back. They are only a few months apart so he began chasing her in circles yelling "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" If you think about it, what else could you say when you have a limited vocabulary.

All of this makes me wonder how useful is it to speak baby talk to kids? From skipping words to taking the "R" out of words, are we doing them any good? Ben understand way more than I give him credit and he will have to relearn how to talk if he continues hearing baby talk. This past week he said "Awesome."... Gee, I wonder where he learned that? Now if I can only get the words, "like" and "dude" out of my vocabulary.

It looks easy.

Most of my days are spent watching and entertaining Ben as he runs around our small house exploring every nook and cranny. Whether it's reading him books for an hour, dancing with him to a vinyl record of Big Bird, wrestling or going on long walks, I am generally exhausted by the time Traci arrives home. A few weeks ago Ben fell asleep at around 7pm yet at around 10pm he woke up with an urge to get the party started. After various attempts to put him back to sleep it was decided that I would take him for a long walk so we rigged the stroller with flashlights and walked down College Avenue to the deserted university campus to show him where I spent many sleepless nights. It's interesting how as soon as I step off the sidewalk and into the campus, the memories immediately begin flashing. The two of us wandered around the campus, Ben quietly sat in his stroller with a flashlight in his hands as I went off telling him one story after another from my days in College. Somewhere between telling him my stories from art classes and falling in the mud during the boxer run I was reminded of a song by Paolo Nutini "Where did the days go? When all we did was play and the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all."

I began taking piano lessons at the age of six and immediately excelled at an early age. I took lessons until my family moved to Seattle where I was not able to find a piano teacher who would teach me something besides sonatina's. Although I didn't have a teacher, I still took the opportunity to play a song or practice whenever I came across a piano. It wasn't long before I realized that I could effortlessly play many songs on the radio. It just came naturally and I could make it look easy. It's interesting how each of us have our own areas that we excel in, whether it's being friendly, humorous, lazy, annoying or procrastinating. Each of us has something that we are great at. I will admit that I do not have dinner ready for Traci each day when she comes home from work nor do I wash the dishes each day. I much rather spend my time playing with Ben than doing the laundry. I don't claim to be the top option for a stay-at-home-parent but I try my best and maybe that's why my parents emphasized trying my best in everything. Could it be that trying your best in everything is congruent to being successful in life?

I don't know the answer. But I do know that parenting is much greater fun with Traci by my side.

"it's even easier"

Exactly a year ago Traci and I began waiting for the arrival of the new family member. It was exciting yet nerve racking the thought that I was to become a father to someone. I can recall the following months feeling like time had slowed down. The days were filled with the thought that my life would soon change for the better yet somehow it still remained an enigma. How can it be that parents love their kids yet complain about the lack of sleep, time, patience or finances? To be honest I don't have the answers because I am not them.... Where am I going with this post?

This past year has been by far the best year of my life. I have been blessed with a healthy son and a great wife that bakes me cupcakes. I get to raise my son in the same house where his great great grandparents lived. God has given me a pretty good hand. It's easy to focus on the bad things of life, but with Ben and Traci it's even easier to focus on the good things of life.

12.12.12

Today is the last time that we can write the same three numbers in a row to specify a date for this century. Since I don't have much to say about today, I will just jot down what I accomplished during the day.

I began by replacing the drivers' headlight on the civic, then washed a set of wheels for my Jeep. Once my hands were frozen open from being outside, I proceeded to paint the intake manifold for the Plymouth while listening to the Christmas music station on 101.1 FM. In the afternoon I made my way to the storage unit were the Plymouth patiently awaits for it's debut day and connected the drive shaft to the transmission. Since there is no other way to this life but to work, I had to make my way to Super 1 and clean the bread machine. I came across a Christmas reef and zipped tied it to the front of the Chief. To wrap the day, Traci's work had a Christmas meal at the Marcus Whitman so I had to get dressed up in order to have a feast. Oh yeah, when we got home, Traci spoke on the phone with her parents for an hour and twenty-two minutes. "Which is not long enough!" in the words of Traci.

Today was just another day in history.

Love the Camera ... now, Hate the Camera.